Dimples, wrinkles, rolls oh my! Taking a picture of myself 1 week after delivering a baby was easier than at 4 weeks. I think it’s because I feel like I had more of an excuse to look like I do. Hard on myself? Guilty. Why after 4 babies do I think I should look “better” just 4 weeks after delivery? Especially on a diet of Christmas cookies? I don’t know. *Smack* Why do I care what the world might think? I don’t know. *Smack*
This last week, I’ve been posting a lot about “fighting the fat talk” on Facebook. I’m guilty of it and I think every girl I know is guilty of it. Some do it in a sly way by making a joke about it. By joking and laughing it off, it almost seems like they don’t care about what they are saying. Oh they do. They just deal with it by laughing about it or making fun of themselves. Some girls have the self hate all alone in the privacy of their bathrooms. Is it any worse to do it in private than in public? Nah. It all has the same effect.
I’ve noticed that the more I think it, the more likely I’ll say it outloud. The more I say it, the more likely I’ll believe it. And, the habit is formed. There have been several time in the last week when I’ve had thoughts pop into my head like, “Ew, my legs look chunkier than when I was pregnant” or “Nice. My belly is saggy and hanging over my pants”. I’ve even made a snear at myself in the mirror. It’s amazing how quickly I can jump to that. There have been times in my life when “fat talk” has consumed me. I’d put on a pair of jeans that fit a little tighter than the last time and I’d think about how I’ve gained weight all day by reminder of the tighter jeans. I’d look at my legs while sitting in a chair and think they were too wide. I’d look in the mirror and say “YUCK!” I’d wonder if anyone else noticed. I’ve eaten out of boredom, stress and sadness. I’ve overeaten. I’ve eaten HUGE portions of dessert. I’ve eaten and then felt guilty. I’ve cried because of the way I looked. I’m so done with all of that. I’m worth more than that.
I’m not big on New Year’s Resolutions, but it happens to be coming around at the time that I am ready to make some changes and am heading into a new season. I am committed to fighting fat talk this year. I am committed to kill perfectionism. I am ready to not allow my false expectations for how I should look to take place in my priority list. I am ready for my health journey to be redefined. I truly believe that if we use exercise to get our body fit for life and nutrition to fuel it then weight loss and fat loss are an inevitable side effect. I want to take care of the body I’ve been given, no matter how it looks.
So, here’s to the journey. Here’s to making changes one step at a time. Here’s to my health after a year of physical struggle.
Here are the stats for you:
-4 weeks postpartum after 4th baby
-Gained 40-45 pounds (scale is broken and I was losing weight at the end of the pregnancy)
-Scale is still broken, but I’ll weigh in before I start making nutritional changes and am consistent in my exercise
-My wedding ring still doesn’t fit
-Still wearing maternity pants
-Have done 3 cardio workouts, 1 BodyFlow workout, 1 strength + cardio workout since 2.5 weeks postpartum
-Am guilty of seeing myself in the mirror and saying “Ew” and “Yuck” without even thinking of it. Fighting the fat talk is a goal.
-I am actually looking forward to a schedule that includes sleep, beneficial foods and working out. It’s coming! I can feel it