In-CourageBlog

It takes courage to make lifestyle changes and faith to overcome our obstacles. My hope is that by sharing my personal and professional experiences with you, we can both be courageous in our journeys of faith and fitness!

Gettin’ “Naked”: The truth about getting my body back…again

“Gettin’ Naked”…when you read that, you were thinking, “No she didn’t!”  ”She’s not really going to post a naked picture a week after giving birth to her 4th is she?”  ”She’s not really going to post naked for the entire world is she?”  I don’t know, is she?

A month ago, I asked my friends on Facebook if it’d be helpful if I wrote in my blog about my journey in getting back to pre-pregnant me.  Several of you thought you might benefit.  I’m sure others of you were just curious to see what I might do.   Others of you just want to see how “real” I am.  I know some of you might think because I’m a personal trainer that losing weight is easy for me.  Or, some of you may think that I prefer eating broccoli over brownies.  Nope and nope.  If you are a close friend, you know I love dessert.  If you are my family, you know I eat out of the brownie pan with the excuse of “cleaning up the edges.”  You’d also protect your Halloween candy from me and hide your Easter bunnies for fear of him losing his ears.  Well, I won’t disappoint you with lack of  honesty.  That’s something else you may know about me if you know me well.  I usually can speak my mind, share how I really feel about something and give you an honest opinion.

But, here’s one thing that maybe only my husband may know…I’m about to get “naked” here and let you in on a secret…I don’t like being naked.  I don’t like being naked in my own house.  I don’t take showers in public locker rooms.  I don’t even change out in the open in locker rooms (crazy since I work in a gym).  I don’t let anyone other than my husband in the delivery room…not even my best friends or my mom :)  I don’t wear an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini…even when I’m in my “best shape”.  Some of it is a bit of modesty that was born in me.  I don’t like attention…negative or positive.  What?  You’re surprised?  Some of you know me because of our common fitness circle where I am in front, on stage, leading and letting people watch me, read my thoughts and see me in tight pants.  No really.  I get sweaty when I am put on the spot and not expecting it.  I HATE theater drills and ice breakers with strangers make me roll my eyes.

While some of my reasoning is natural modesty, there’s a bit of convicted modesty too.  For that reason, I WON’T be posting naked pictures of me on the blog.  I want it to be helpful.  I don’t want you to spend to much timing comparing.  I don’t want this blog to be weird or about my body really.  I want to get to a place where my pursuits of health are solely motivated by a desire to take care of what God gave me and to enjoy the benefits of living a healthy lifestyle.  I truly think that when we get to that place, food is no longer the enemy and being at an appropriate weight is no longer a struggle.  Losing weight becomes a side effect of making great choices.  So, yes, I’ll post pictures, but they will be my version of modest.

Then there’s another reason why I don’t like being “naked”.  Somewhere along the way, I have defined and accepted a belief system for what I should look like as a personal trainer, fitness professional, and group fitness instructor.  I let that definition affect how much the world will see of me.  Why?  Because I know how girls think.  Come on.  Be honest.  We tend to compare and we tend to make quick judgments.  We don’t just do it with our bodies.  We do it with our mothering skills, our talents, and our abilities.  I’ve never wanted my body to be a poster board for my quality of work.  I’ve wanted my quality of work to speak for itself.  Plus, I don’t like being judged.  Thus, I will never be a fitness competitor.  I don’t think someone else should tell me whether or not I have an award winning body or not.  Nope.  Don’t need their opinions.  I have enough of my own!  My guess is that you will look at my pictures and think one of these things, “She looks great for just having a baby!”  ”She doesn’t have that much to lose.  I had more.”  ”Oh, she DOESN’T have the perfect body.”  ”I feel much better now that I’ve seen what she looks like.”  If you don’t think one of those things, you are among a rare breed.  There are a FEW women that I know that don’t compare, don’t judge, and don’t define beauty for themselves or others.  Those few of you may say, “She’s a beautiful mama and so am I.”  That’s the key.  Are you as nice to yourself as you are to your friends?  Be honest.  That’s what I’m doing.  I’m being honest…gettin’ “naked”.

In this next season and journey of my health, I will continue to do that.  I’ll get “naked”, get real and get honest.  I’ll do that if you promise to do this…get real and get honest with yourself too.  What belief systems, thoughts and ideas have you accepted as truth that are NOT truth along the way?  What things do you do or think out of habit that are hurtful to you?  No need to answer now.  We’ll do it together…later.  That’s enough nakedness for now.

Here’s some facts:

  • I gained about 45-47 pounds in this pregnancy and no I’m not big boned and it wasn’t water weight :)
  • I worked out as “normally” as I could until I was about 5 months pregnant and then took it to just walking and swimming 3-4 days a week due to some vertigo issues and back issues.  Then at 32 weeks, I stopped working out due to too many contractions.
  • My baby was 8’9″
  • I have not dieted since having him.  I have been focusing on drinking a ton of water because I am nursing.  I am making sure to eat all meals to keep my calories up.  I am making sure to take my prenatal vitamin and extra vitamin D.  I have eaten spice cake with cream cheese frosting, pizza and brownies in the last week.
  • I am refusing to use the words “flaws” and “imperfections” any longer in reference to my body.  Flaw and imperfection make an inference that there is something wrong…that it’s not good enough…that it’s not measured up and should be traded in and exchanged for a more perfect, flawless model.  The “perfect/flawless model” is what I’m talking about when I say we’ve accepted some things as truth that aren’t necessarily truth.  So, here’s my body after carrying 4 miracles and just delivering our latest miracle 1 week ago.

1 week after delivery

My husband said, “You’re really going to do this huh?  It’s so not like you.”  He’s right.  This is not something I would do and I am only doing it because some of you think it will be helpful.  I am also trusting that my honesty and realness will help you to sort some things out for yourself and redefine beauty and health.  And honestly, I think it’s going to help me sort some things out and get rid of false beliefs and insecurities that linger.  Will you do that with me?  I will probably blog 1-2x/week.  If you want to get each one, subscribe to the blog on the right hand side of this blog post.  If you don’t want to miss Facebook updates, go to my page, hover your mouse over the “like” button.  Click on “settings” and choose “get all updates”.  Please share this with your friends, daughters, co-workers who might need some encouragement in this area.

*Sigh*  I don’t like getting naked, but maybe I’ll learn to like it more :)

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Comments (4)

  1. LOVE this blog post and love you! One thing that I think had a very positive impact on my development of body image is that I have a Mom that was comfortable being ‘naked’ around me…both physically and with emotional honesty. I remember sitting on her bed chatting with her as she prepared to go out on a date with my Dad. Sometimes she would pat her belly that had been home to 13 babies over the years and joke about needing to suck in her gut but I just remember thinking how beautiful she was…both fresh out of the shower in her naked beauty and after she had put on a beautiful dress and lipstick. Her beauty impacted me more than any model in a magazine and for that I am so grateful!

    • Clare, this made me tear up a bit. Maybe it’s the hormones ;) No, I think it’s because I LOVE how a mom had so much impact on her little girl. I LOVE how you’d sit next to her as she got ready to be with her love. Such a beautiful picture of so many things including beauty. Thanks for sharing :)

  2. Thank you for your honesty. I “know” you from Lifestyle and have enjoyed your fb posts. I had two babies 18 months apart, and my second child (son) is turning one in 2 weeks. I have struggled with feeling like the only woman in the world who battles losing the baby weight, even though I feel like I work.so.hard! Work out plans, three Advocare 24-Day challenges, counting calories, cutting out sugar… you name it, I have done it, and yet the scale barely moves. It’s enough to make me cry when I go to try on clothes. Anyway, all that to say, it is so refreshing to hear from a personal trainer mom who has it in balance and has to work for it too. Thank you!

    • Hey Serena…I know those kinds of tears believe it or not. My own tears and tears of many clients and friends. This is 100% of the reason why I put this out there. Girls don’t need more info about what to do and not do. It gets so confusing doesn’t it? I have a feeling when more of us find peace with where we’re at, the weight loss, fat loss, baby fat will disappear along with the tears. Hang in there girlie…we’ll do this!

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